LittleRedRidingHood Gay Asian Female (28 going 12)
How out are you? Used to be totally out until I came into this Christian company which is just short of praying before starting work.
Where did you come out? Singapore
What’s your story like?
This is your typical story you might have heard a million times.
I was 19 in polytechnic year 2, and I was already in a 4-year relationship with the boyfriend of mine from high school. Everything was a straight cut, no reading between the lines, no ugly fights. His mum was asking me if we should be engaged before he went to Australia for further studies while I was planning to go Boston to become a lawyer.
Then came the twist. I knew a girl in my poly who was a little boyish with floppy fine hair. She was funny, really funny, and made me laugh in class every day. She would help me carry my bag during breaks and I would do her assignments (fair-trade).
And often we would stroll to the reservoir for a quick ‘breath of air’ and one day she held my hand while we were strolling. I can still remember the heart-pumping feeling like air got sucked out of you. You feel like silly is a good word and giggle is your best friend. I longed for that kind of feeling that I no longer had with my then BF.
I was never confused apparently but, at that point, I was more confused than ever. Though I knew that was the end of my 4 years old relationship.
BUT, cutting the story short I did not end up with the floppy hair girl.
I did not even go to Boston to realise my lawyer dream.
I ended up falling for a girl whom I thought was my dream catcher.
She was tall and an artistic talent. I loved her for her neurotic self and her opinions. Her judgment got the better of me. I was 20. I came out to work. I joined the dog-eat-dog world of servicing up briefs and giving the clients what they want.
I learnt to smoke. I came to think whisky was orange.
I thought, that was the world for me.
That one kiss by the staircase did the job for me.
My brother told on me and my mom found evidence of me and her.
It was a house breaking moment.
My mom asked. I confessed and cried.
My mum told me, “If you want to love her, get out of my sight.”
That, I think, was the one and only time I was so obedient.
I was 20 then and earning my dough.
I moved out and stayed with my tall muse.
For 3 years we loved. Fought like I knew kungfu, Laughed like my heart could break.
But I took 3 years also to learn that women are a species that transpire like water. I taught myself to cry with dignity and breathe.
By the time I knew it, we were over and I was down and under.
I came out thinking that was the love. I came out thinking love was all white and beautiful. I was kinda wrong.
Now 8 years down the road. I had my share of fun, tears and stories.
But it was also the same coming out that made me what I am today.
I paid for my college through part time and got my MBA. I am okay still serving up senior briefs.
I never regretted it. (My family and I are now good friends – although we do not stay together.)
I think it was this that made me stronger and beautiful.
So I urge all of you to be who you want to be. Because you only have one life and it belongs to you.
Approximately what year did you come out? When all things were white and beautiful.
Submitted: March 2010