Karen Lim a.k.a. Karrot Gay Asian Female (28)
How out are you? Partially
Where did you come out? Melbourne & Singapore
Have you got a URL to share? http://www.inhersilentway.blogspot.com
What’s your story like?
I came out to my friends first, obviously.
But prior to that, I was homophobic, despite being a lesbian myself. I was afraid of letting certain (straight) friends know that I was in fact, dating women. I was afraid of being judged.
After outing myself to them when I was 21, I felt like a burden was lifted from my shoulders.
But it was only when I revealed the truth to my mum, that the true burden was lifted from my heart.
An ex girlfriend of mine, whom we had committed to each other and even considered marriage (of course that did not work out), encouraged me to out myself to my mum.
And I did, by writing a letter to her, asking my brother to translate it to Chinese, and leaving it on her desk. I then went out and refused to go home for fear of any drama from her.
The next day during dinner, my mum said: “I read your letter. I knew all along.”
But it wasn’t as smooth as it seemed.
My mum faulted herself for raising me the “wrong way”. Till this day, she would sometimes bring up the fact that maybe I haven’t met the right man, but she’s rather accepting of my current and past girlfriends and she likes them, so I suppose she’s more accepting now.
Well, at least she didn’t disown me or create some family drama.
I’ve only outed myself to certain colleagues because it’s an entirely different thing when it comes to the workplace. I admit that I only out myself selectively and not to everyone.
I would usually do a “mental assessment” on a person’s acceptance towards homosexuality before I would say: “Yeah, and my partner’s a girl.”
However, till this day, I have yet to out myself to my father. He’s based in Australia so he doesn’t quite know what’s going on in Singapore.
He doesn’t know yet, but he’s seen two ex girlfriends of mine when I was living in Australia (both being androgynous looking) and he is on good terms with them.
So, I don’t know about that. I’m still rather scared. But I know I will tell him the truth, someday, when it’s time…and when I have the courage to out myself…all over again.
Approximately what year did you come out? 2005
Submitted: March 2010