Tag Archives: All Things Gay

PinkDot SG – What To Expect

Volunteers arrive earlier and after a briefing from the organizers everyone helps the set up of things. The year I was helping we were blowing balloons, decorating the park, giving directions, handing out ground sheets and all kinds of pink things that had been contributed.

People from all walks of life arrive once things are ready. You get to see a diverse group of visitors; solo visitors who don’t know anyone, families who love their gay kids, married couples, groups with young kids, guys and girls with pets, students, army personnel, bloggers and tweeple from Singapore and Malaysia, TV personalities and theatre performers who are mostly decked out in pink. A close friend was even talking to this old lady in Chinese who asked why we were all gathered and she said “love is good …. love is good”.

Different groups take turns to perform; pink lions and dragons doing traditional Chinese ceremonial performances, Malay dikir barat groups, dance groups and singers so entertainment is aplenty. When the photographers are ready ushers come around to get people into the centre of the park where there’s more singing and moving speeches. The tribute is to love which everyone present understands and believes in.

PinkDot2009The thing that really touched me at PinkDot is how friendly and helpful everyone is. Its easy to get people to participate in activities and strangers seem quick to share conversation, food, drinks, groundsheets, fans and whatever there is. Sounds of laughter, faces smiling, singing, picture taking, goofing around, warm embraces and words of love abound. I’m sure I’m not the only one who wishes for this kind of openness and camaraderie to be something we see throughout the year rather than only at special occasions.

The event ends after the pictures and videos of everyone gathered making pink dot have been taken.

Everyone who came helps clear up their bit of trash and the park looks rather pristine without the organizers having to work overtime cleaning up after.

Sharing pictures and stories of the day usually gets people in Taiwan, Malaysia and Thailand wishing there were there too.

If you believe in love and if you would like to witness kindness and warmth in action come make PinkDot this 18 June 2011 at Singapore’s Hong Lim Park.

What To Wear : something light and cool …. and PINK!!
What To Bring : food and drinks … it’s a great place to have a picnic. a matt to sit on is a good idea too and don’t forget your camera. a bag to keep all your trash would really be appreciated
What To Do : get involved with the activities or just sit at the sides and enjoy the entertainment and seeing so many people with eager open hearts come together
Who To Come With : anyone and everyone is welcome! come with your neighbour, your uncle or aunties, your parents, your siblings, your camp mates, your school mates, your pets or even by yourself 🙂
tweet me @scorpiojerm if you’re coming by yourself and I’ll be happy to come and say “Hi”

About Being A Bully & Then Being Bullied

As a 39 year old openly gay man who has been out for twenty over years, I forget how hard it can be growing up being pushed around because you’re a little softer than most other boys. Seeing the recent suicides of Tyler Clementi, Asher Brown, Billy Lucas and Seth Walsh memories from 20+ years ago came back and I recalled the feelings of fear and loneliness that bombarded me when I was their age.

Being a bully at aged 9 I know how amazing the feeling of power is when you lord over a “weaker” individual and rally others against this person. Power often gets to the head and has corrupted many adults so you can imagine its effect on young children who taste it for the first time. Not knowing better, kids look forward to re-experiencing the rush and, often, the unfortunate result is in going too far.

As a kid, it doesn’t really seem that wrong to make a person cry and feel marginalised while you bask in the victory of exercising this “power”. As a kid I didn’t truly understand concepts like low self-esteem, thoughts of suicide or the magnitude of sorrow and regret that comes with a loss of life. As a kid I liked doing what was fun and made me feel good.

Tables get turned in life and several years later I ended up on the receiving end of bullying when I seemed softer and had different interests that other boys. Many nights were spent crying myself to sleep and wishing that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. I tried slitting my wrists a few times but thankfully the attempts were feeble and I kept on making it through day after day.

Looking back I realise I’m lucky as life sent me down a path that quickly put out those ideas.

I found others like me all through school from age 11. At 12, a guy I liked reciprocated but being nice to me. At 16, I found my way into a school activity group which had positive and strong seniors + alumni who were openly gay so that helped me accept being gay and entertain the idea that there’s life for gay people. The best part was my groups of friends didn’t react much when I came out to them at age 17 and they remain my close friends to this day.

I’m sure you’ve heard this many times these past few weeks. Here’s another 39 year old gay Chinese guy saying it from Southeast Asia. It Gets Better!!

I won’t list down all the wonderful things that have happened in my life as you’ve probably heard from many others. All I want to share is that life as a gay person can get so wonderful you can’t help but smile and thank whatever powers that be for blessing you with such wonder and happiness.

The bullying I did and experienced gave me experiences that I use today in reaching out to people with this website and its coming out stories.

It’s helped me understand a little why kids behave a certain way and know what kind of thoughts would be going through someone’s mind as then contemplate suicide. Just keep these things in mind if you happen to be:

Feeling Crappy When You’re A Kid Happens
Many successful gay people you see went through a period of doubt and darkness in our childhoods but we hung in there and our lives turned around as we found acceptance and unconditional love. In fact, feeling weird, out-of-sorts and like you don’t belong is a normal part of growing up as you search for your place in this world.
The amazing thing is when you find your place in this world among friends and people who love you. That’s when you look forward to the years ahead growing old with them.

Power Is Addictive
Kids who are bullies get caught up in the rush of power they feel. They can say really nasty things they don’t mean just to get a bigger rush. It’s like wanting to repeat having that nice tingly feeling you get when you do something you enjoy. Sometimes people end up doing bad things to others just to get more and more of that feeling.

People Say Nasty Things They Don’t Mean
My mom told me she’d rather not have given birth to me if she knew I would turn out gay when I came out to her. Many years later, we are very close and are each other’s support pillars in life. If I didn’t persist with living, I wouldn’t have the amazing relationship I have with my mom and my father now.

To end this post I’d like to tell my cousin Sean whom I terrorised when we were kids and to the other kids I played with and bullied, I’m really sorry for what I did and I hope to be forgiven.

Doctors declare ‘gay cure’ therapies harmful

Here are excerpts from the full article on Pink News.

The annual meeting of the British Medical Association has declared that therapies to ‘cure’ gay people of homosexuality are harmful.

The body met in Brighton yesterday and more than two-thirds of doctors present backed a call for the Royal College of Psychiatrists and other mental health standard-setting bodies to reject the treatments and ban their use in codes of practice.

Research published last year found that a sixth of registered British therapist and psychiatrists have attempted to “cure” patients of homosexuality.

“Sexuality is such a fundamental part of who a person is that attempts to change it just result in significant confusion, depression and even suicide,” said Tom Dolphin, vice-chair of the BMA’s junior doctors committee. “You can’t just wish away same-sex attraction no matter how inconvenient it might be.”

Read full article here: http://bit.ly/bkCjLD

Coming Out Stories

When I thought about gathering coming out stories I must say I didn’t have any idea about what to expect. I’ve gotten 10 plus contributions so far and they have been wonderful to read. Many gay friends have been wonderful about agreeing to participate in this project and I’m also grateful to them for helping me recruit their friends.

I’ve learnt quite a bit about families, growing up and love through these men and women’s journeys of dealing with feeling different, worrying about rejection, fighting with parents, family who already knew, being thrown out, reconciliation and being accepted.

Thank you to all those who contributed and thank you for visiting to read these special stories.

Stay tuned as I gather more stories to share here.

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