Falling In Love

Why is it life gets more complicated after you know you’re gay?

For me, discovering love in a world where tomorrow is never certain is the hardest and sometimes most painful thing. I’ve got pretty simple requirements . . . I just want to grow old with someone, who thinks I’m the most important thing in his life … not just someone who has a pulse.

As luck would have it, someone came along when I least expected it and he’s become the most important thing in my life.

Loving someone and feeling loved by someone one. Isn’t that the reason there are millions of songs written of new love, old love, failed love, renewed love, unrequited . . . you get the picture.

So . . . How do I know he’s The One?

I don’t … would you know? So the answer for me is to hurl myself into each new relationship with everything I have and hope with all my heart that my life doesn’t fall apart after a few months. Many tell me its not the way to do things but the answer to that is pretty simple to me.

If it doesn’t work out when you’ve given it your all, then it probably wasn’t meant to be. But if we don’t give it our all, how will we ever know? So its a risk but its up to us to take it.

I once told my friend that . . . “Life is about looking forward in hopes and not backwards in regret.”.

Here’s my short of it:

Being gay is knowing your strengths AND your shortcomings.

Finding love is about being honest and sincere, to yourself and to him.

Staying in love is a hard one.

I think its about accepting his strengths & his shortcomings

and adapting to changes together. To keep talking & listening to one another

and to give him grief when you’re feeling miserable!

There’s also alternative relationships where a couple enjoy ‘openness’ to various degrees. I think that’s cool and if a couple can emotionally handle this ‘openness’, I say go for it!! I think it keeps a relationship healthy and adds spice to a couple’s life. Different strokes for different folks.Boy … don’t I sound like a spokesman for threesomes and polygamy!

As always, this is my interpretation of love. Other’s exist.

In fact, I think I’ve got a screwy idea about love but it has worked out fine. I’ve found someone who is super opinionated and all ……… but who is sweet and sensitive in his own way. I wish he’d just remember road directions a little better! (this was in 2000)

Update Sept 2005: I would say I’ve been lucky in love. I’ve met many people whom i shared passing moments with and I’ve also met several guys whom I have had the good fortune of loving for several years. Each relationships is different and you discover things about yourself and love with each experience.

There was a time quite recently when I used to think there’s no such thing as love and played the field … breaking hearts and sleeping with a different guy each weekend to keep the count of my “slept with” list growing. Sex had become a mindlessly repeated ritual. One I went through with for no apparent reason and although a part of me enjoyed it … there was another part of me that looked on wondering why the hell I bothered doing what I did.

Oh well … if there’s no such thing as love then one just had to make do and fuck the whole world if one could.

Life is strange because once you settle yourself comfortably with reduced expectations, you get thrown someone who’ll screw things up. Literally.

One night in September 2004, I met someone called Bryan who I thought would be another trick for the night . Fate probably thought it was a little early for us to hook up so it was a case of missed opportunity. 9 months later we meet again by chance … dancing next to each other on the podium of a gay club. We were both planning to go back together but somehow we lost each other. Thankfully he had my old mobile number which I still kept and we managed to contact each other the next day. We finally end up having dinner a day later and what’s developed is something that always surprises everyone.

His friends gave us 3 weeks … a month tops. My best friends are ready for the eventuality that they’ll have to keep him at arms length in future in case I accuse them of misplaced loyalties … again.

Maybe 2 tigers can change their stripes. Two heart break – home wrecker – flirtatious types have ended up together and all they want to do when they hit the clubs with their friends is warp their arms around each other and dance. We share everything and its seems we’re so used to each other, we can’t imaging our lives apart. I wake up each day with him beside my and I thank my lucky stars to see him smile and kiss me good morning. I fall asleep each night with him beside me and I count my blessings for having him in my life.

Time will tell what this turns out to be but for now I’m used to having him in my life and I treasure how he’s taught me to be more loving and affectionate.

I look back on what I wrote above and I realise it does hold true when you’re sharing your life with someone. Maybe love does exist … maybe not happily ever after but in moments that you share with different people at different points in your life.

So until I update this again in a few months or years …. I’ll end the “Love” segment on this note.