Nathan Goh Gay Asian Male (20)
How out are you? Completely
Where did you come out? Singapore
Have you got a URL to share? http://www.facebook.com/quanster90
What’s your story like?
I realised I was gay when I was 16. I was always drawn to guys since young but I’ve never recognised those feelings as homoerotic till 16 (even though I’ve actually had gay sex much earlier than that)
I tried to seek help from church and I came out to my church leaders and pastors. For a year plus, I struggled with being christian and gay at the same time. I remembered nights I cried myself to sleep and wishing I will die in my sleep because I was so ashamed of myself for being gay and I was afraid of committing more homosexual acts.
My pastor even arranged a session for me to meet up with Sy Rogers, the founder of Exodus (the ex-gay ministry in America). When I was 18 year old, my pastor decided to send me to Choices, the ex-gay ministry in Singapore. But before that, my pastor wanted me to come out to my parents. My pastor sent my leaders to persuade me to come out to my parents and because I really wanted to turn straight, I agreed.
My church leaders (both 19 year old) accompanied me to go to my home to come out to my parents. At first, they took it pretty alright because they thought I was going to change.
The drama kicked in when they discovered I stopped attending Choices and started going to Free Community Church (an inclusive church that affirms the LGBT community). I stopped attending Choices after two sessions (I mean if they tell you part of the programme include exorcism, won’t you too? haha)
My parents googled Free Community Church after they found a pamplet of the church when they searched my bags.
We quarreled for weeks and they nearly wanted to disown me.
It was quite a dangerous experience for me because I could have been kicked out of my home. My church leaders and pastor should have known better. I was glad I found Free Community Church because of their support and guidance, I was able to reconcile my faith with sexuality and handle my parents with a more informed and matured manner.
I am actually out in school and at work too because I believe that being honest with myself and with people is the best policy. When you have nothing to hide, people can’t threaten you with it.
Approximately what year did you come out? 2006
Submitted: March 2010