Ayam’s Story

Ayam Gay Asian Male (25)

How out are you? Partially

Where did you come out? Malaysia

What’s your story like?
It was the final year of my university days and things have gotten really bad between me and my parents. They we really suspecting about my sexuality due to several ‘discoveries’ and it even came to a point where they tried to force the truth out of me, which was really hurtful. So one day, with the encouragement of a friend, I took my mum out for a midnight walk.

1 hour North Star
Image by Dennis Barnes via Flickr

I started by asking her to put theology aside for another day. And so I poured out my heart on topics like how I’ve struggled with this all my life, how it pains me to see them hurt, and that I really love God and them above anything else. I almost cried when I said that I was also depressed that we’ve drifted apart just because of this. I told her it pains my heart to see people leaving church and their lovely homes all because they can’t live with peace with their beloved ones. I assured her that I still loved her and the family and she did the same.

It was nothing as hard as I thought, seriously. I think I was more embarrassed of myself that I tried so hard to avoid the topic. I felt that they were out to punish me but instead they really care about me. And I only felt it was wrong because they thought it was. And since I don’t think it is, I should be the one enlightening them instead.

When it all boils down, there’s nothing so sensational about the whole experience lah. I mean they practically know about it already – it’s just that I didn’t wanna admit it. I dunno what’s next but I just asked for her understanding, even though she might not agree with me. And the smile on my mum’s face while I hug and kissed her on the cheek at the end of the night was…priceless.

The next morning she told dad and he approached me immediately when I was at the kitchen making my breakfast. At first I was kinda afraid for I know I’ll have to start explaining everything again but then he immediately gave me a hug and started to cry uncontrollably. I was honestly shocked and until this day I can only imagine the fears going in his mind.

Alas, the ‘issue’ was never really raised again since that day, except for times where I proudly declared “I will never get married” to which my mom will reply ” Please don’t say that. Leave it to God.” *rolls eyes* Well my mom did say that being raised in Asian families, they (she and my dad) are not trained to talk about issues like sexuality. Maybe it’s time to check back on them how they’re coping with a gay son. I’m truly blessed to have such loving parents after all, and I should learn to do my part once in a while.

Approximately what year did you come out? 11/09/07

Submitted: March 2010

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