TWEET: It’s sad to know people who actually create new religions! Aren’t there a lot of religions out there already?

This got me a little vocal over the weekend as I responded to the author in a series of exchanges trying to get him to be a little more open-minded. I tried appealing to his gay side by asking him to switch “religion” with another word like “sexuality”. His response was that didn’t apply as it was totally different in context.

Funny how people sometimes can apply a concept like freedom to areas that matter personally at the same time deny that concept to others in areas they are not open to.

People thought the world was flat once and put those who said it was round to death. We’ve come a long way from that era but at the same time it seems we haven’t.

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.” -Galileo Galilei. I don’t think a day will come when we can claim to have discovered everything and to know all truths.

There’s too much “there’s no such thing as…” or “you can’t think ths way” or “you’re not allowed to love this way” or “you cant worship this way”. Someone said this and I believe it strongly too. “If only we just see how much we have in common rather than focus on the differences there would be more uniting than dividing in our world.”

Lofty ideal? Maybe … but the thing is to keep trying at least. I’d rather live in a world united than a divided segregated place

Interesting talk which had the following perspectives that I found were things to think about:
- the good life is not about looking good, feeling good or having the goods, its about being good and doing good …. its about giving your life away
- significance in life doesn’t come from status, sex, or salary … it comes from serving … it is in giving our lives away that we find meaning, we find significance
- the purpose of influence is to speak up for those who have none

My teacher spoke about how people perceive life and how that perception makes a world of difference between how happy or driven one is. That inspired me to reflect and write this post.

“why me” vs “try me”
- does one ask “why me?” when faced with obstacles
- what if ones thinks “try me” instead and charges head on to meet and work through obstacles
- chances are life’s obstacles won’t seem that huge and one is more focused on other more important things rather than the small bumps

My thoughts about this are that it is relatively easy to take on the role of a victim in life. Several years ago my god-brother commented that my instinctive response to things was “no” and I tended to look at a glass half empty. Disappointments and set-backs faced then seem to have affected me more than the joys around me and all the wonderful things I had done. Focusing too much on problems and the half empty parts of my life, I moved from contentment to a place of self-pity blaming everything and wishing for things to get better.

The first step to getting out of that place was to make a decision that I wanted to change. The next step was figuring out how.

The solution I chose was to recondition myself. I read it takes the same amount of energy to be happy as it does to be unhappy. It’s mostly a matter of habit and habits can be changed. Being more positive, patient and looking at a glass half full makes a difference in making it easier to get out of bed and look forward to things that come along, good or bad. So that’s what I’ve learnt to do … be positive.

What comes to my mind when I hit a bump or a rough patch? A reminder to myself that with hard-work and determination I can overcome this, especially after all the amazing things I’ve done in my 39 years. If I could move mountains previously when I was 22, I can move even bigger mountains now.

“going through life” vs “growing through life”
- going through life like it’s sentence you have to live out not opening your eyes or yourself to all the interesting and wonderful things out there
- growing through life by taking in things, meeting people, learning new things, trying new things and embracing the ever-changing world

The one thing I remember in my late 20s was how packed my life was and how I managed to juggle work, leisure, my passion for theatre and dance as well as a boyfriend, 2 cats and family.

I decided to slow it down when I hit my mid-30s thinking I’d done a lot and it was time for a break. Taking time out for myself led to periods of lazing around and a state of inertia. Result was that it seemed easier to decline new experiences leading to my comfort zone shrinking bit by bit till I was rather hermitish. Going through life is a very apt way of describing that period as each day seemed longer and the passing of time harder. Sleep was a wonderful means of escape.

I blogged about how its hard to get out of a state of inertia but reconditioning myself led to me crawling out of my comfort zone and trying new things. Now that I’m back to packing my days and nights, I’m feeling more energetic and eager about what each week and each new experience brings. I realise now it’s not about slowing down to enjoy life but to keep doing things to enjoy life.

I hope to continue this growing and enjoying of life into my greying years. I wanna be one of those cool old uncles who has a twinkle in his eye, who is able to adopt and use new technologies easily, who never shies away from new experiences and who has a treasure trove of stories to share.

So how do you look at life and what kind of old person do you want to be?

My teacher spoke these words and it struck a cord within me. He went on to say how one person undertakes responsibilities reflects the way he is as a person and that life would not send you a job that is bigger than your ability.

As time goes by work can get into a grind, your eyes start to glaze and blur with each passing year as you go through the routine of work.

It’s easy to let things slide and once you do, it can be a slippery and hard slope to climb back up. Letting standards drop at work and learning to accept compromises can get into a habit which spreads into the other aspects of your life and it can lead to a downward spiral.

In my 20s and early 30s I used to fill every moment of my life with some activity or another with an ability to find deep reserves of energy to take what I was doing from pretty OK to wow. Passing the 35 mark I started taking things a little easier and paused more often to do nothing and enjoy the moment. It was hard at first because feelings like guilt, letting go of overly compulsive behaviour and letting my attention to detail slide because not everyone could work like I did were things I had to deal with. But I finally got around to appreciating quiet moments and be happy with doing and achieving less.

After taking things easier for a while, I learnt the laws of physics with regards to inertia apply to life as well.

It was hard getting my engine revved up again to perform and live life as fully as I used to. Having a monkey in my life, picking up tennis again and taking up different things to fill up week nights are helping in moving my 60kg out of it’s slowed state back into a higher gear.

Lately I’ve been thinking of doing more professionally and have plans of drastically switching my full-time job come 45. My teacher’s words are a wake-up call in some ways as the job switch at 45 is likely to demand much more of me than what I’m doing now or did before. If I don’t start prepping myself, start pushing myself to where over-performing and finding reserves of energy regularly is the norm, I might find myself struggling. Or perhaps life might think I’m not ready for the role I want and thus not allow me to take the path I hope to.

Work isn’t a definition of one’s self. Our selves, values, standards and morals would be reflected in the job we do living life and working the job we chose.

The biggest problem I have with my eyes is them HUGE eye-bags that are a result of genetics and long hours in front of the computer. I’ve tried all kinds of products and various massage techniques through the last 10 years to counter puffiness and dark circles.

Recently, I found out that I’ve been doing it wrong.

As a result, I searched videos and tutorials online and I realised there are so many different methods that it’s hard for anyone to know which advice & technique really works or is correct.

I recently started a new facial regimen and I’ve been told the direction of circling the eye that I’ve been using all these years actually works to accentuate lines and puffiness rather than counter.

Key things to remember are:
- use your fourth finger so as not to use too much strength around the sensitive eye area
- circle from outside in under the eye and NOT inside out under the eye
- then as you move above to the brow area … move in the direction of the eyebrows hairs rather than against

I tried this and when I compared both sides there was a visible reduction in puffiness.

Given the hugely different pieces of advice out there, I can’t say if this is the correct one but its the one the works best for me so I thought I’d share it.

Here’s a video that uses the inward stroke but she’s using the middle finger instead of the fourth finger. The strokes under the eye start at 2.53.

Here’s another explaining how to massage the face and the part where they show how to massage the eye area is from 6.53.

Strangely enough I’ve been persuaded out of hermit mode and dating a few people. It’s been interesting to connect with people again on a romantic level. I’ve been single for 3 years now and as 40 approaches, there are moments I wish for the presence of someone in my life besides my close friends. This has led to a few instances where I’ve thought of taking things a little further.

Which brings me to this debate that I’ve been having with myself; a quieter and possibly stabler kind of companionship or one that gets your heart beating faster with sparks and fizzle?

The various guys are all charming and very eligible and we connect on a sane and sensible level but it isn’t a case where there are pangs of longing or bouts of missing him. It’s a kind of connection that is more head than heart.

I almost forgot what it was like to have sparks fly until this kid 13 years younger started chasing me and managed to get me beneath the sheets. It was subsequently revealed to me that this guy was attached so I put a stop to things. But there were fireworks and talking + cuddling at length after made me rethink about taking things further with the other more mature and sensible guys.

I’m getting to the point where I can commit to someone whom there aren’t exactly fireworks with and slowly work at things so deeper feelings develop. But I’m also reminded that sparks & fizzle do make a connection electrifying.

Sigh … I guess the romp that was thrown at me is life’s way of reminding me about what I’ve forgotten in hopes that I consider carefully before making a decision.

Jury is still out on this issue … I’ll let me head and heart ponder a little more and maybe hold out a while longer to see if I do meet someone who stirs both head and heart.

It’s coming up to two years now that I’ve stopped eating meat and fish.

I consider myself not that strict a vegetarian as I would eat at normal places and just ask them to leave out the meat and fish in foods they cook. I don’t go so far as not to eat food that has been cooked with sauces that have a little meat or fish in it. If I do, it’s close to impossible to eat with friends.

Being vegetarian has made me really conscious with what i put into my body as I need to ensure I’ve got a really good variety of vegetables, mushrooms, diary products, tofu, beans, nuts and fruits.

This greater attention has led me to what I think are some rather troubling observations:

Meat Meat Meat
The amount of meat most people consume at each meal is amazing. In fact, meat makes up the majority of the non-starch items in most dishes. What i find worrying is the quality of meat that is sometimes served. Some places save on costs by including lots of fatty skin and bones which means even less protein for consumption.

Starch Starch Starch
How did starch end up as 80% of most meals? I look at breakfast norms or chee-cheong-fun or kaya toast or roti-prata or nasi lemak and realise it’s just all flour with really sweat or watery sauces piled on for taste. Most times you really get just a sliver of protein to make up for the fish or meat that used to be there in more generous quantities. How much nutritional value do these give our bodies?

Processed Processed Processed
If we really pay attention to what’s written in fine print on labels, a large part of the “meats” we eat are processed. This processing of food is creeping into vegetarian cooking too with gluten, tofu mixes and meat replacements. What scares me is what goes into the processed foods. Some are really low quality parts along with artificial colouring of questionable origin.

Where Are The Greens?
Most times, the greens in each meal are garnishes in the cursory form of one or two slices of cucumber or tomatoes. Other times it’s just a sprinkle of parsley or spring onions. I wonder how the body copes with such low levels of dietary fibre intake.

When ordering, vegetable dishes are usually the last to be thought of. I notice my friends tend to order a lot more vegetable dishes when I’m around and these are usually the first to be polished off so I do know that people actually like eating greens if they just made a habit of including more of it in each meal.

—
Watching The Biggest Loser, the U.S. and the Asian versions, I tell myself it really is important to watch what kinds of and quality of foods that go into my body. Most of us will live to a ripe old age and a good quality of life in our later years where our health is good is something that makes these years more enjoyable & enriching. I’m thinking it’s a little too late to change our ways when our bodies have been worn down through years of not paying attention to what we fuel it with. The cost of health care is really getting too ridiculous and being a health burden to myself and my friends is not a place I want to find myself in.

So here’s me sharing these thoughts on my blog in hopes that it will go a little way to help others to be more careful and thoughtful with what they feed themselves with.

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From all accounts by my folks and various other relatives, I was quite a handful when I was a kid. Stories of me scheming to lower cousins down to the ground floor from the second storey using a woven basket and bedsheets make me laugh along with memories of screaming at the top of my lungs as I sat on some uncle’s shoulder. My aunt is still trying to find a picture of me hanging upside down whilst on a ferry with my grandma looking on with a frown and holding on to the other cousins so they would emulate my antics. I guess my grandma didn’t name me “dai guai tau” or chief devil for no reason.

Besides being prone to mischief, I had a built in rebellious gene that was super active in my teens. It kicked in the moment I was told to do something by any person of authority. I used to think I was smart enough to handle most things by myself and was ready to take the whole world on with no paper qualifications.

That stubbornness and arrogance subsided through the years and in karmic fashion has now come back to haunt me in the form of a god-brother 11 years younger.

I now understand what was going through my mom’s mind when she complained that I treated our home like a hotel or whenever I didn’t help with the housework. I get the slow burn of irritation they probably felt when things get used up without a word or without being replaced. I feel the frustration my folks must have felt daily when I refused to listen to any of their advice and insisted on doing things my way.

The realisation that no matter what I say or do, my god-brother would do things his way has made me learn patience and find other ways to get my point across. I now use the temper card after a multitude of incidents occur so it gets more mileage and I resort to using the mom and dad card when I really need to get through or mediate a stand-off. This family sure is one full of strong and stubborn personalities.

It’s funny how much perspective and affinity we gain only after having charges of our own.

So this is to say thank you mom and dad for all that you put up with. Now I know.

It seems cancer is no longer mainly restricted to affecting people in the later years of their lives and knocks on the doors of younger and younger people.

My mom and god-mother had cancer so dealing with surgery, chemotherapy, subsequent monitoring and palliative care are things I’m familiar with. What I find challenging and sometimes inspiring is having to go through the process of dealing with the diagnosis and preparing for life-changes that need to take place with each friend who get’s told he or she has cancer.

My friend Ben is a healthy guy living in Taipei who has never smoked a cigarette in his 33 years and hits the gym now and then. He stays relatively healthy but his family has a history of cancer. He had been having an inflammation of his tongue for two months. He finally decide to get a series of tests done recently. Yesterday he went to get his results and was supposed to tell me how it went after the hospital visit. He “hmm” and “ahhed” when I checked in on him via MSN and that’s when a hunch told me that he had cancer.

I was correct. The doctor thinks it might be Stage 1 or 2 and he’s due to go for a complete series of tests come 18 Nov to see how much the cancer has spread and what the best course of treatment should be.

Ben is confident about the standards of medical care in Taipei and they are lucky enough to have social insurance which heavily subsidizes healthcare and treatment. That coupled with the insurance coverage he has and that the company took out for him means he doesn’t have to worry about a thing financially.

He’s a really positive person and upbeat about all that is happening. I admire his strength and the fact that he just accepts that this is one of the things that happens in life and is positive about coming out on top of this cancer.

We spoke about how he was going to schedule his surgery, treatment and recovery such that it would end just before I arrived in Taipei for my year end holiday. I guess he’s using my visit as a goal to set himself to get better. I told he’d better get better ’cause he’s promised to show me around and bring me to my first hot-springs in Taipei.

Cancer is becoming a really common thing and I guess the take away from all this is to get regular check-ups and to go see a reliable doctor when things unusual persist for longer than 1 or 2 weeks. You never can tell what it might be. Early detection can mean a whole world of difference in a quick recovery or prolonged periods of suffering.

Back to the gym after not going regularly for 3 years. Once or twice a month doesn’t really count as it doesn’t really do anything. After numerous failed attempts to get back into a gym routine, I figured I didn’t have enough discipline to get myself into shape so I signed up for 24 sessions with a personal trainer to whip my ass into shape.

1st Session was about seeing what my body’s limits were. This was done after a series of tests and measurements which told me I’m a freak. My right arm is bigger than my left arm. Muscle mass differs by about 0.5% which doesn’t sound like a lot until it’s measured. Difference in bicep circumference is a quarter of an inch. My trainer was taken aback and had to measure it twice to make sure he didn’t get it wrong. I guess all that tennis has had an effect.

Takes away after the first work-out:
1) Your body needs regular strength exercise and after a long period, you’d be surprised at how weak the muscles become. I could hardly complete 5 sit-ups in a declined position.
2) I was feeling light-headed at the end of 60 minutes so don’t be over-zealous with pushing too hard. Your body goes into shock after the 1st work-out. I fell asleep after I got home for 10 hours.
3) Be mindful not to lock your elbows as you return to the start position in-between each rep.
4) My trainer told me enough rest post work out, 6 – 8 hours, and good eating is important the next day to get the benefits from the training.