I used to balk whenever someone came up to me and said I gotta learn to look at certain things in life without any expectations. Expectations set yourself up for disappointment. Repeated disappointments often lead to feelings of hurt.
Disappointment and hurt are things we can do something to lessen.
I used to have lots of expectations of the people I love. I used to have fights with my brother over differences in opinions about the meeting some of these expectations. But learning to slowly not have expectations, our quarrels have gotten less and its come to a point where we hardly fight. We sometimes get irritated with each other but that passes very quickly as we just shrug it off and not expect anything.
Last week, I was telling a friend who started seeing someone to not expect anything. Just take each day one at a time and if something more develops, it develops. If nothing does then you haven’t set yourself up to be disappointed. Not having expectations puts less pressure on both people and the situation.
I said this coz he was thinking and projecting all kinds of different scenarios. Why stress? We don’t have much control over how someone develops or doesn’t develop feelings for us. We do our best to be ourselves and that’s all that we can do. The rest we leave to fate and chemistry.
Its funny but I seem to be repeating that conversation with different people.
Same thing applies to dates, birthdays, gifts, promotions, job openings and all kinds of situations that involve other people giving us something or reciprocating. We do our best at everything and that’s all that should matter.
Whatever happens as a result … happens or doesn’t happen as a result.
Do things and/or give sincerely without expecting in return.
I definitely think it’s more a Singaporean phenomenon if anything. Just ask foreigner or expat friends who’ve been here for a while.
*giggles* ….
one out of three correct … handsome and hunky definitely wrong adjectives la
cannot help it …. one has to be cute when talking to a handsome hunky man …. gegegegegege
u need to eat a whole big plate of vegetables as u do that
hmm … i htink having no ego is a damn tall order
i try by just taking out all the air out of my ego and think .. i’m not really that important. others are just important as me. their actions and needs are just as important.
yeah … the fear of loosing out. but don’t you think its not just an eastern thing but western too? it just manifests in different forms
u have a cute way of looking at things
yes, indeed it is nicer and easier to flow down the river current .. but sometimes, one needs to paddle just dat little bit … if not we hit floating tree trunks or crash into the river bank …
I agree with this shred of wisdom, but most people just aren’t able to heed it because having no expectations requires one to have no ego (in the Buddhist definition). It’s quite impossible to achieve this form of peaceful acceptance and detachment without any form of cultivation and active practice.
I think it’s easier to just advise them to “accept” that sometimes things don’t work out.
I think most asians are afraid of failing and losing out. It’s a cultural thing. I’m much more Western than Eastern, so I can get over fucking up or losing face pretty fast and also laugh at myself.
Hmm, maybe just tell them to have a sense of humor about it.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM…………