A couple of conversations with different people this weekend reminded me of what the real world actually is like.
A friend and colleague was going on and on about her frustrations at work with being gay and the lack of understanding, acknowledgement and respect she got at times. She’s openly gay but there have been several incidences where her colleagues tried to hook her up with men. Then there are my other friends who tell me they can’t really acknowledge their sexuality and have to go around smiling at straight jokes or worse, pretend to be straight.
I forget that, even today, it isn’t easy being openly gay.
Ever since I came out to my parents in my teens, I’ve lived my life as a gay person and I made it a point that everyone around me knew I was gay. I’ve made it an effort to normalise being gay every chance i got. So much so that I don’t think about it anymore.
The movie Torch Song Trilogy taught me to be self reliant; to cook, sew, clean, fix things, solve my own problems … even pat myself on the back if I needed to. It made me endeavour to do whatever I was tasked with or undertook to the best of my abilities. All this so I could be respected as a person. A gay person.
I thought that if I was damn good at whatever I did, no one would give a hoot if I was gay.
That has worked for me.
From Boom Boom Room to Singapore Airlines to Saatchi & Saatchi to Web Connections to Paprika to where I am today.
Everywhere I went, I refused to pretend. I didn’t participate in guy talk. I didn’t put up with snide gay jokes. I didn’t change the pronoun “he” to “she” when I talked about my lover. I made it a point for my colleagues and my clients to know I was gay.
So at 37, I find myself to be a relatively well-adjusted adult who lives in a world that acknowledges and respects me as a gay person. I’ve had my boyfriends come to the different offices I’ve worked at and get acquainted with my colleagues. Gay staff who work at my office openly surf Fridae and other gay websites. My clients ask me about who the latest love of my life is and one has even tried match making me to another gay man she knows.
I forget this order of things isn’t normal.
Many still struggle with being openly gay with friends, at work and at home. And it’ll take quite a few people some time to adjust their mindsets and behaviour before they are able to accept and react appropriately to any alternative sexual orientation.
So for those who struggle with these issues.
For those who know of friends and love ones who struggle with these issues.
And even those who love and embrace anyone and everyone.
I want share with you the movie Torch Song Trilogy.
If you know a friend who has the DVD or see it at HMV or on Amazon, get a copy of it and watch it.
I think its a quintessential piece for any gay person to watch but the fundamental message of having love and respect for someone cuts across sexual orientation, gender, race or religion.
Hopefully it’ll help give you strength, like its given me, to openly be the person that you are.
Hopefully it’ll help make us all more accepting of things and opinions that are different.
Here are some gems from the movie:
I think my biggest problem is being young and beautiful.
It’s my biggest problem because I’ve never been
young and beautiful.
Oh, I’ve been beautiful, I’ve been young,
but never the twain have met.
Why are the mirrors covered?
So we don’t see the pain in our faces.
Why are we sitting on boxes?
To make sure there’s pain in our faces.
I have taught myself to sew, cook, fix plumbing.
I can even pat myself on the back when necessary
So I don’t have to ask anyone for anything.
There’s nothing I need from anyone
Except for love and respect.
Anyone who can’t give me those two things
Has no place in my life.
The Internet Movie Database for Torch Song Trilogy
Torch Song Trilogy at Amazon.com
Transcript from Torch Song Trilogy
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