This week has been a strange one. Another fren just dropped by coz he had “man” problems.
The crux of the matter was that he liked this guy more than the guy liked him. The guy kept post-poning dates and things but couldn’t tell my fren face-to-face that he wasn’t really interested.
Sigh … after listening to the full story … being practical I said my opinion is that after the post-poning of date no. 2 its quite obvious that this guy was stringing him along and keeping him as a standby in case his other social plans fell thru.
Thus I told him a phrase that another close fren taught me … which i advised he shud remind himself every morning when he woke and every nite before he fell asleep:
nan ren mei you yi ge shi hao dong xi … the stress being on dong xi
i also asked if he was feeling blue because of what cud have been with someone who he connected with on many levels … or rather because of the inability to get attached and find companionship
we subsequently talked about his support network and i realised he doesn’t have one. he says its really hard finding gay frens u can really connect with who don’t talk about shallow things other than who u’ve slept with, which party next, if that guy who just walked past is gay, fashion and music videos. these guys are in their late 20s / early 30s!!!!
he spends weekends with a group sitting at a Dome on a busy inter-section in KL doing the shallow talk and people watching … hoping to catch sight of cute guys. I asked … if u don’t enjoy that … why do u join them so regularly. his answer … its better than sitting at home surfing the web, chatting and not doing anything
is it really so hard to find others whom u can have a deeper conversation with? is this superficiality in frenships a gay thing or does it extend to frenships in general where people just scrape the surface and don’t wanna go deeper than that?
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Doing well, occupying my spare time with vid games
Heading back to kl for a bit at end of the month
plus the fact that u’re hardly in KL and when u are … its for short periods … lagi harder lor
hugs … hope u’re well
Finding the right group to be with isn’t all that easy lor. Connecting with ppl is tough enough, but i think it’s even harder in the gay community.
Sadly, I can seriously say I haven’t been able to scrape very far with most ppl. I’m probably just antisocial tho
i think the main difference is places and opportunities to meet up with like-minded people is much easier to find in Singapore than in Malaysia
to be honest …. if i didn’t know all the people i knew before arriving in KL … i wud have been a little depressed at how hard it is to meet people u can have a proper conversation with. my social circle has really been the same ever since i’ve arrived and altho we go out to all kinds of places, gatherings and do different activities like tennis, watch the occasional play and things …. u sort of meet the same people all the time.
it is hard here …. and for a large percentage … the primary language is cantonese and so for those who speak english predominantly that’s much much harder
its often the case where if u stumble upon a group that u can sort of click with … u hang out with them. engaging each other and progressing to a deeper frenship … i think that takes time and willingness and not everyone is that open and willing
the salesgirl working at anthro … and i swear it has helped me some times
think it really comes down to how lucky one is to find the correct friends… but i do find gay people harder to become good friends with… not to say it is impossible.
who is the wise fren who taught you that phrase, pray …
i guess i’m in danger of judging your friend but i guess i should give him the benefit of the doubt.
i have often heard this lament.
but my own experience is that there a zillions of guys out there who will make good friends and can talk deeper, less-superficial stuff.
but they are not going to be easy to spot sitting at Dome.
and somehow i suspect your friend would not classify these people as “cute”….
where would people like that hang out?
what would their interests and hobbies be like?
where would people with such interests and hobbies hang out?
where would you be most likely get to meet such people?