tonite while chatting with an MSN fren … i got asked if i ever considered getting married to a woman. I asked why he’d entertain such a thought and he told me so he wouldn’t be alone.
what ensued was a tongue-lashing like i’ve never given before!
i told him he’s got serious issues and a damn fucked-up set of moral values if he’d place his needs over someone elses in such a decietful and selfish way.
lying to another person for possibly years … only to destroy the person’s life …and ur children’s if u had any … when u gathered enough courage to be gay or find a guy that gives you enough reason to leave the lie of a life u started
wah liao eh … i can’t believe there are still people who think like that in this world!!
sigh … my parting words after 15 mins of telling him how fucked up i think he is:
wud u want someone to cheat and lie?
and not be honest about who theyy really are?
so u’d spend years and years with this person … only to find out later … he wasn’t really who he is?
if u wudn’t want that to happen to u
why wud u do that to someone?
male or female?
think about it
living life is hard
don’t take short-cuts
and look for an easy way out
…. at least he’s now reconsidering this stupid cop out
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
realised i was a little harsh and i spoke with him at length today.
can’t really blame him as he doesn’t really have a context to work from.
he doesn’t have many gay frens and he feels such an overwhelming need to be attached / in a relationship that it over-rides logic
but he said the chat helped put things in perspective a little and we’re trying to get him exposed to more things gay … fill his life with gay references .. and most important … get him to understand the importance of a gay support network … or ur little family … and for him to find that
this really reminds me that its not easy being gay … most of us take so much for granted
Sneaking head over parapet …….
As someone who’s actually lived that experience, the whole gamut, less the kids, from secrets to full disclosure to getting my head cleared out …. Believe me, it’s never as easy as you think. Each of us has an excuse to explain why we took the course we did (in my case, it took 15 years to decide that I wanted to be gay, to chose this lifestyle). But have charity to others – each of us is fucked up in some way. Each of us makes decisions or lives life in a way that might be less comprhensible to other people.
Jerm, ask your friend why he feels that way. Don’t judge the output – test the logic. See if there’s sense in his approach. If there’s a flaw, question it. For those of us living this side of the line, the answers are obvious. It’s very much less obvious on the other side.
hmmm … no la … i see the desire to be true to thyself in lots of other people …not only scorpios
full disclosure is a different matter. i’ve joked about that with a galfren once that if she and me weren’t happily settled when we hit 35, we should get married to enjoy the benefits of marriage (tax and all other social benefits given by the govt)
…. but this guy’s case was clearly one where he would see wat came along and he wasn’t gonna tell the girl he really liked guys if a gal happened to come by where he cud feel comfortable with marrying
i had a similar thing happen too. only i wasn’t as articulate. and the guy didn’t give a shit that he was living a lie “since everyone does anyway”
i think the desire to be true to thyself is mostly a scorpio trait only, maybe, heh :/
ah…
but…
what if it was not a deceitful or lying situation.
what if there was FULL disclosure. (there may be other reasons which are explained up front.)
what then?
marriage of convenience or whatever. both go into it willingly and with eyes open and no secrets.
what then?
will you still be so angry?