thoughts & perspectives of a gay asian professional

At a photoshoot for a cancer campaign in Malaysia I had the opportunity to speak with two women touched by cancer. Their stories of strength, courage, a positive mindset and their energy to make a difference by helping and fighting for change is inspiring.

Short version of my chat with Lezah. 9 things to remember when touched by cancer:
1) even if one cries the cancer won’t go away. it’s up to you to fight it
2) medicine and treatment will help maybe about 35% but the rest is up to you
3) having a positive attitude helps, as long as you’re happy that makes a big difference in your fight
4) don’t be afraid about sharing your condition and talking about what you’re going through with your family as their support is really important
5) people who love you will accept you as who you are, cancer and all
6) cancer has nothing to do with being a bad person or being punished as it can happen to anyone*
7) there are many myths about cancer, chemotherapy, radio therapy and other treatments so do not believe everything you hear
8 ) it is important to get the right information so don’t be afraid to talk to someone or ask doctors and nurses all the questions you want to
9) don’t let treatment costs be an issue (private hospitals are not the only places with good treatment. government hospitals have private wings which are cheaper and there are also many good doctors at government cancer treatment centres)

* one of the families from Kuantan at the photshoot had a daughter who was 4yrs old when she was diagnosed with kidney cancer re-enforcing the point that cancer can happen to anyone

Here’s the long version of what Lezah shared with me:
She was diagnosed with breast cancer 10 years ago at age 25. Her husband has been a wonderful pillar of strength and she tells me how lucky she is to have his love and support. For 4 months after receiving the news Lezah’s tears flowed till her husband gave her a pail one day. He told her to fill up the pail with her tears and by the time it was full, he said she should make sure her cancer goes away. His words made her realise that all the crying she had been doing didn’t change anything and wasn’t helping. Her perspective on getting cancer and her will changed thereafter. Her children is what gave her the strength to keep forging ahead keeping in mind that she needs to be around for her two boys.

I can’t imagine how hard it is for a couple to have to deal with something so dreadful as cancer but to also be able to decide one day there was enough crying and that it was time for fighting? Strength and a positive attitude at such times really makes the difference between thrashing around in despair or pushing forward with hope.

2002 – 2007 saw five years of remission after which she had to face cancer again. This time it was breast, bone, lung and liver.

She’s been undergoing treatment for a while now and her little boy sleeps beside her as she has chemo done. Its like he’s lending her his strength. Lezah says it’s also that he wants to make sure she’s OK, nudging her now and then when she has her eyes closed or is asleep to get a response.

Cancer takes its toll on every member of the family and Lezah says her youngest has trouble grasping all that’s happening. He doesn’t exactly vocalise things well and what he did was let it come out in the stories and essays he writes as part of school work. These stories are about her and they bring tears to her eyes. She’s told me she intends to frame them.

The last 10 years of dealing with cancer and her experiences with her family drives her in her quest to provide support and education to families of people with cancer. Her view is that families need support and guidance too but current outreach campaigns seem to miss them out along with the fact that important messages aren’t reaching people outside the main cities of Malaysia enough.

Lezah hopes to make some difference to these areas in her role as president of the Mutiara Breast Cancer Society, traveling all over Malaysia giving talks to people in smaller towns and rural areas. Temples, punjabib places of worship, villages, mosques and town halls; there isn’t a place she would not go to share her stories and experiences, to lend support and strength.

To that end she’s asked me if I can help and I’m certainly keen to. So I’m awaiting to catch up again to see what I can assist her with.

To finish this post, I want to say “Thank you Lezah” for being such a pillar of strength and passion.

I hope your story and the 9 things I’ve summed up from our talk will help make a difference to people reading this.

Will share my chat with Yasogee, a single mother with three kids who was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006 shortly.

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Tagged as: cancer, Family Matters, hope, inspiration, national cancer society of malaysia, support, Truly Asia

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